You my have seen I have been writing about Work Place Bullying, This is something I have suffered not once but twice when I worked for IKEA WALES, on both occasions I suffered some work related stress, but it was only the second occasion that this became a real issue for me after a set of keys were taken from my draw in the office.
After the afore mentioned incident I feel with deep depression that not only made me feel suicidal but made me fell worthless and I lost all confidence.
The Bullying started some 12 to 18 months before me actually going on the sick, it started with a fellow co-worker by the name of Alan, totally blanking me, not talking to me and basically ignoring me.
At first I just thought it was a faze and things would get back to normal after time, but it never a couple of other co-workers saw things weren't right, yet never done a thing.
Things got that bad that I eventually spoke to my Supervisor Johan who in reply to me question was "think what you have done, it's your own fault", this really upset me and made me feel as if he was part of what was going on.
There were many times around this time that I would come home from work and burst into tears and think it is time to end it all, I would get up in the morning to go to work and would be physically sick knowing I would have to work with Alan, so much so that one time I rang in sick and told them I had a problem with kidney stones.
Johan would pile the pressure on get me to do the jobs either he didn't want to do or that he wanted Alan to do, but instead gave them to me, one day I got pulled up on something that had not been done right, yet the sheet had been changed, it was from this day that I realised that my time with the firm was coming to an end, if someone was doing this to me, how far would they go to get rid of me.
So I was suffering for awhile with work related stress, I told work it was because I was having family problems with my son, it wasn't this it was the physiological bullying I was going through at the hands of Alan and latterly Johan.
I spoke to someone in HR and asked for some counselling thinking, which I started not long after this meeting, I was to scared to tell people that Alan was bullying me as he was a highly respected member of staff and the fact I felt that no one would believe me.
Stress/Depression is a nasty and unseen illness that's creeps up on you when you least expect it, there are no words that can really describe how you feel but I will try, You feel very low, you have no energy, you feel that you can't do anything right, you feel everyone is against you, unexpected bouts of cry, suicidal thoughts and low self-esteem.
I still have me days where I feel like this, I still have nightmares about what I went through and still think to myself was it all my fault, but his is how you feel when you have experienced any sort of bullying, you think why me and what have I done to deserve this.
To this day I still do not know what I did to Alan, he has never told me, nor has anyone else ever told me, I have been called a bully for exposing what I went through, apparently I am the one bullying Alan, I have also been told I am an attention seeking male for exposing what went on.
I ended up losing my Job because of these lost keys, I was dismissed while on the sick, yet there was no proof that I lost these keys, I will sware till the day I die that I put them in the draw, yet I am still confused as to how I can be dismissed/sacked and get 9 weeks pay in lieu of notice this still baffles me.
I did in the end speak out about what was happening to me, but it was to late, the decision had been made to dismiss me, It was never looked into and to this day I don't think it ever has.
As I said earlier I am still feeling the effects of this bullying and I am sure I will for the rest of my life and if by doing this particular blog I help just one person then I will have done what it is meant to do.
I wish I had spoken out earlier and maybe, just maybe I would still have a job.
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