Mental Health and it's effects.

Mental Health and it's effects

 

I myself suffer from mental health, anxiety, stress and depression and at times it can be very tough, the tiredness, the loneliness and the sense of  feeling a Burdon.

 

At this moment I am going through a particularly bad bout of depression, that has just crept up on me since Christmas, with the last few weeks being very bad so much so I have now had to start seeing a councillor again and I feel I have given in, which I know is not the case, all I have done is seek help.

 

The real big thing that I realised I needed time to myself and some time to get myself together was a week ago when while in college we were doing a task and I mentioned that I had a problem with my knees and another student piped up if it is not you knees, its your shoulder, if it is not your shoulder its you have got something else wrong with you, I told them to "FUCK OFF" and with that someone else then replied ooowww I got up and offered to take them outside and sort them out (Not ME), I decided to walk out of Class to get away from the situation.

 

I ended up going for a walk outside and have a good cry, a couple of the tutors came a found me to have a chat, I felt at my lowest ebb and felt I had let myself down, my fellow students down and my tutors down. After talking to my tutor, they explained that this was not my fault and that I had nothing to be ashamed about and that I needed some time off to get myself right.

 

I asked my tutor if I could address the group, they suggested I do it one on one, This I refused I wanted to say what I wanted to say in front of the whole group or not at all, you see one on ones are not my thing but I feel more comfortable speaking to a group, I went in front of the group apologised and explained as best I could what I was going through, they were very understanding and wished me well. Doing this and explaining the situation helped me no end and took a big weight off my shoulders and the relief was immense, I took the rest of the day off and had some time to myself.

 

At counselling I started to open up about some of the things that had been going on from before Christmas, up to recent events, having my benefits stopped, worrying about being made homeless and some of the mucking around that has been going on in Class, which has taken it's toll as you try to concentrate and the more you concentrate the hard you try and the more tired you get mentally and thus go more and more into the depression you are in.

 

The thing with depression is you put up a mask and hide it, try to deal with it in your own way and the more you do this the more and more tired you get, you don't sleep at night, you don't shave, very rarely eat until you reach breaking point and for some people their is no return from this.

 

I do know what it is like to have the thoughts in your head about taking your own life and it is frightening and I hope they never come into my head again but they will always be at the back of my head deep down.

 

Moving forward I have started to train again in the gym and this is helping me realise all the energy in a positive way, I have a practical assessment coming up in the next month and then I should be a qualified personal trainer.

 

I suffer with this illness each and every day, at times it is hard and yes their are times when I get really low.

 

What I will say to anyone who is suffering from depression or any other mental illness, speak to someone, open up and let people know what you are going through, the ones that matter will care, they will approach you with care and will help you, don't push them away and open up to them they are only their to help.

 

That's my story, so if you know anyone who is like me and needs the help they deserve and your understanding please help them.